We'll start with what I like to call the Creepers.
Google images provided this and pictures of shoes when I typed "creepers."
As epic and totally unrelated that photo is, Creepers aren't as, well creepy, as they would suggest, but they are pretty annoying nonetheless. They are the people who creep in on other guests while I am either answer their questions or checking them in. Now, to be fair, our front desk sucks mega-donkey balls. There isn't much room for people to really wait in line or really assume any line in fact. It's kind of a free-for-all and a mini-disaster when two to three families enter at the same time and try to check-in. I'm sure you thinking, "Well, Buzz, just put some nice velvet ropes up and chorale everyone where they need to go." Again, I stress the fact that there is NO room - even for swanky ropes. Anyway, I digress...
Metaphor for "no room"...and shit.
Creepers are particularly annoying because they're all up in my business as well as the guest that I'm assisting. I mean, how comfortable do you feel when you're in line to piss at the urinal and you have some dude basically breathing on your neck while you're trying to squeeze out whatever hotness you can, but you can't because you have an erection because some dude is breathing on your god damn neck? It's awkward! These guys just get balls deep into your conversation and once the person you're helping makes the slightest movement, the creeper moves to fill the void where the previous guest was and doesn't even let me finish what I'm doing. I never really understood how crazy bankers and airline workers were about people standing behind that faded yellow line and making them wait to be called for assistance until I saw these bastards getting all up in my business.
The creeper sometimes has the audacity to dive right into my conversation. Say a guest is asking a question or two about a local attraction, this asshole will decide to add their two cents and go on and on about how they did or didn't like what this person was considering doing. This is bullshit because a) I don't care what the creeper has to say about anything and b) the creeper has just extended the time that I have to spend with the current guest, which only hurts the creeper, so I guess it's okay in the long run. Suck it creepers!
Onto the Long Winded Bastards (LWBs)...
More often that not, the LWBs strike while on the phone, which really pisses me off. While working at the desk, I'm doing a shit-ton of work. Most of the time it's someone else's job, so I'm already pissed about it and I have to multi-task multiple jobs, one of which is answering the phone. A typical LWB will call and say a variation of the following with lots of "ums" and "uhs" sprinkled for good measure:
"Hi there! My family and I live in Iowa and we are planning on coming into your city sometime in August for my daughter's birthday. She's turning 12 and she's always talked about how she wants to come to your city and visit the aquarium and see the dolphin show. I see that your hotel is pretty close to the aquarium and some other stuff that we're looking to do like shopping and maybe going to a show. We're going to be driving in with my parents and possibly a friend, which will probably be about a 6-7 hour drive depending on whether or not we stop for food. So I guess my question is how much is parking?"
Trust me, the kitten is better off...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? All I need to know is that last part. Jesus, while I'm trying to check-in a guest, overcharge their credit card, cancel a reservation, and make sure my border-line retarded co-worker doesn't try to do something crazy like scream "OH MY GOD! There' s a card missing!" while playing Solitaire on the computer, I have to listen to some dumbass go on and on about some bullshit that I don't need to know. Get to the point! I absolutely love it when someone calls and immediately asks how much our room rates are, scoffs, curses at me, then hangs up the phone. Not only do they make my life great by not making me actually create the reservation for them, but they ask what they want and then that's it. Game over. Conversation complete. Thanks for playing.
So, if you fit the profile to one of these people, either back the fuck up or be concise. Or both. I don't care. It's probably better if you don't call or visit the hotel anyway.
Metaphor for "no room"...and shit.
Creepers are particularly annoying because they're all up in my business as well as the guest that I'm assisting. I mean, how comfortable do you feel when you're in line to piss at the urinal and you have some dude basically breathing on your neck while you're trying to squeeze out whatever hotness you can, but you can't because you have an erection because some dude is breathing on your god damn neck? It's awkward! These guys just get balls deep into your conversation and once the person you're helping makes the slightest movement, the creeper moves to fill the void where the previous guest was and doesn't even let me finish what I'm doing. I never really understood how crazy bankers and airline workers were about people standing behind that faded yellow line and making them wait to be called for assistance until I saw these bastards getting all up in my business.
The creeper sometimes has the audacity to dive right into my conversation. Say a guest is asking a question or two about a local attraction, this asshole will decide to add their two cents and go on and on about how they did or didn't like what this person was considering doing. This is bullshit because a) I don't care what the creeper has to say about anything and b) the creeper has just extended the time that I have to spend with the current guest, which only hurts the creeper, so I guess it's okay in the long run. Suck it creepers!
Onto the Long Winded Bastards (LWBs)...
More often that not, the LWBs strike while on the phone, which really pisses me off. While working at the desk, I'm doing a shit-ton of work. Most of the time it's someone else's job, so I'm already pissed about it and I have to multi-task multiple jobs, one of which is answering the phone. A typical LWB will call and say a variation of the following with lots of "ums" and "uhs" sprinkled for good measure:
"Hi there! My family and I live in Iowa and we are planning on coming into your city sometime in August for my daughter's birthday. She's turning 12 and she's always talked about how she wants to come to your city and visit the aquarium and see the dolphin show. I see that your hotel is pretty close to the aquarium and some other stuff that we're looking to do like shopping and maybe going to a show. We're going to be driving in with my parents and possibly a friend, which will probably be about a 6-7 hour drive depending on whether or not we stop for food. So I guess my question is how much is parking?"
Trust me, the kitten is better off...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? All I need to know is that last part. Jesus, while I'm trying to check-in a guest, overcharge their credit card, cancel a reservation, and make sure my border-line retarded co-worker doesn't try to do something crazy like scream "OH MY GOD! There' s a card missing!" while playing Solitaire on the computer, I have to listen to some dumbass go on and on about some bullshit that I don't need to know. Get to the point! I absolutely love it when someone calls and immediately asks how much our room rates are, scoffs, curses at me, then hangs up the phone. Not only do they make my life great by not making me actually create the reservation for them, but they ask what they want and then that's it. Game over. Conversation complete. Thanks for playing.
So, if you fit the profile to one of these people, either back the fuck up or be concise. Or both. I don't care. It's probably better if you don't call or visit the hotel anyway.
The Creepers picture is really creepy... bloody dead baby and hillbilly with creepy eyes... I think I'm going to have nightmares.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Sir!